Why Your Team Will Not Compete This Year

Ten reasons why your team will not compete this year:

1. You root for an AL East team not in New York or Boston (Rays, Blue Jays, Orioles). Sure Tampa Bay has a chance. Just like I have a chance at getting elected to Congress.

2. You root for an NL East team not in Philadelphia or Atlanta (Mets, Nationals, Marlins). No caveats here.

3. Your team’s owners are going through a major divorce (Dodgers). Pray for a quick sale.

4. Your team hasn’t had a winning season since 1992 (Pirates). Be happy your team is over .500 this late in the year.

5. Ed Wade is still your GM (Astros). Try not to think of Brad Lidge celebrating his 2008 championship.

6. Your team has already been outscored by more than 70 runs this season (Cubs, Twins).

7. Aaron Crow is your All-Star representative (Royals). Apologies to Aaron’s mom.

8. Your team’s ERA is above 4.00 (Diamondbacks, Reds, Rockies). Quasi-exceptions: Brewers and Twins.

9. Your starting 3rd baseman has one home run more than I do this season (White Sox).

10. Your team’s OPS is less than .650 (Mariners, Padres, A’s).

Congrats to fans of all teams not listed!

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